with one of my children, in particular. I used to not. She was one of the easiest babies. And she came at a time in our life that was quite insane. Hmmm - we've had a few of those!!! But she was my HAPPY baby! I've always had a feeling about our children's spirits before they are born - and my feeling for her was one of a happy spirit. And happy she was! And is.
When we moved to Phoenix nearly two years ago (hahahahaha - wow time flies when strange things happen in your life!) she was barely two. Very loving, very spunky and very much our spitfire! But she always is a tender spirit when moments allow - and I found her a few times hiding in my closet with her binki and snug (blanket) crying. Saying "I want bumpa (grandpa)" over and over and over again. Enough to make a mother weep. My dad, bless him, would call nearly every day to talk to baby maby (mabes, mabelicious, you name it!) and it made her tears shrink up and dissolve. Then she'd hang up the phone and say "I wanna dy-coke". Oops. It runs in the family.
THEN - when we moved BACK to Utah just 6 months after that I found myself in a whirl-wind of a life. Living in my inlaws basement, job for Nate wasn't great, savings completely gone, and a surprise pregnancy that left me barfing 12 times a day. In my mother in law's basement bathroom. As I would lay on the floor all day long. I would cry. You would too.
And the struggle with baby maby began to get harder. I was frustrated in my life. And that crept into my attitude towards her. The other two children were at school. And honestly, easier children. However - they were older. And older = easier to some degree. Baby maby needed me ALL.THE.TIME. And I couldn't emotionally ... let alone PHYSICALLY pick myself up off the floor to handle her.
So I became a "OHhhhhh she is HARD" type of mother. INSTEAD of EMBRACING baby maby for her keen spirit, her spunk, her darling little red hair and jumpity jump jump life .... I groaned. All the time. I smiled and laughed IF OTHERS WERE laughing about her. But the second someone complained about HER - I was the first to agree. To make myself feel better for my "hard life and situation". Somehow ... saying that SHE was hard made how I REACTED to her a justification.
Fast forward to last November. Thanksgiving. And lots and lots of cousins picking on her. And I saw and heard people blame HER when it wasn't her. And everyone was so quick to yell MABES .....
Why?
Because *I* was so quick to yell MABES!
Then my aunt - that I adore...the one who Baby Berry is named after ... came to Thanksgiving dinner. She walked in, sensed my stress to everyone yelling and blaming and saying "so .... this is the terrorist we've heard so much about" ... and SCOOPED her up and hugged her and said "my word - I've missed you. I LOVE YOU. You are SO GREAT!!!"
And my eyes were opened. And I saw who baby maby was. And who she would be if I, too, embraced her and scooped her and up told her I loved her and missed her. I immediately had a change of heart and Nate and I decided right then and there to not yell her name. And not blame her. And NOT roll our eyes when others said she was a terrorist. Rather - we would scoop her up, hug her and say "my word baby maby - we LOVE you. You are SO much fun".
And guess what we saw?? Not a little 3 year old terrorist. Not a girl who runs and screams and disobeys. But rather my sweet little spunky girl who is MEANT for great things. Who is meant to be strong and wise and a SPIRITED soul to ward off the evil that is in the world. A girl who will fight to the death to make it back to her Heavenly Father because THAT is what is important in this life.
And today - as she sat in the dentist chair getting all sorts of drilling and fillings and possible silver teeth in the back - I saw her strength. And I started to cry. I saw her be brave. And I saw her be strong. And I saw her be funny. And witty. And engaging. And all the things that our Heavenly Father sees in her. And I wish I had seen them all the while - instead of yelling at her. And I wish I had backed her up instead of agreeing with other people who didn't know her.
Attitude is everything. And I'm grateful that each day is a chance to start over. To see my children for who they are. For what they can and WILL become if we allow them. And I pray each day I will remember to hug them, love them and fight for them!
This is from last summer. Obviously. Because is snowed 4" last night ... and it sure doesn't look like THIS in my front yard!!! :)

I posted some of these last year. But I'm clearly too lazy to figure out which ones. So you may see these twice. Worth it. I normally would have photoshopped her wart off her little hand. But my kids have little warts ... and they go away. But this one was GIANT!!! hahahaha .... so HER!

Last frame I took. They were done. Even though the shoot took 3 minutes! I was focused on Flava ... but loved loved LOVED what baby maby was doing here. So her. So unrefined (as Nate calls her).

I want to remember how she runs, never walks. I want to remember how she doesn't say her L's. I want to remember how she SNEAKS candy and upon getting caught says "ohh NO - it's for my MOM!" Or "I'm SAVING IT!" (uhhh - note DENTIST appt!!!!)
She is who she is for a reason - and I don't want to change that!