First of all ... let's just get this out of the way. I've been a TERRIBLE blogger! And really have NO 'wants" of wanting to blog. I'm not QUITE in my "grooooove" yet and don't have the usual routine. My "usual" was to go upstairs to my cute little loft with TONS and TONS of light ... w/ the windows open ... while I sat at my computer. The kids were outside playing - or at a neighbors - or in the bonus room. The difference NOW... no loft - no bonus room - no outside that's cool enough to play in - and no neighbors with little kids. So what does that leave me with?? A little baby maby who is sad that her "A A and Sesley" are gone to "cool". And she's here and she's there and she's EVERYWHERE! I did buy chalk for her to color on the back patio in the shade ... but she's eating it. And then QUICKLY climbs back through the doggie door. "BUUUGS! gunna get choo" Yep. So thus the lack of entertainment.
That - and I've been a bit sad here and there. BUT ... I'm good at this moment and maby is watching SPONGEBOB (thank you!) and I have about 4 minutes. Readdddddddddy??? GO!
The kids started school last Monday. LAST MONDAY! UGH! Mostly it's hard on ME (how did I make THEIR school year ALL ABOUT ME??) as I wake up at 6:30 to get everything ready - pack lunches - get clothes ready - back packs... and then all of a sudden it's 8:10 and we have to RUN out the door. Had a TERRIBLE experience last Thursday. Ava's 4th day of school. ALL DAY KINDERGARTEN mind you! Who the crap invented THAT? Because, I'M SORRY - but she IS TINY!!!!!!!!! She is FIVE! And ALLLLL DAY???? Anyway - idiots who invented that ... she BROKE DOWN balling that morning. Crying GALORE! I tried to be SO nice - making LOTS of ideas to help her. She cried until it was time to go. Then calmed down. Then we pulled up to the school and SHE BALLED and JUMPED into my lap. I wanted to BALL WITH HER! It was too much for her. It was too much for me. She had hit her limit. There are DARLING little 6th graders who meet the kindergarten parent's car and help the kids inside. I asked (which makes me MAD that I had to ASK PERMISSION???) to pull up, and walk into the GATES (of H***?). I pulled up about 5 car lengths - left it running w/ baby in the car. No fretting .. I was only a few feet away.
(btw - baby is not watching Spongebob anymore. She found me. She's coloring right by me. Probably on the tile. Look away kara ... look away).
And ... let's continue. So I CARRIED her into her line because she was SO beside herself. Walked her to her line - rocked her in my arms as she was SUPER GLUED to my body. Long mean story later ... I got her a wee bit calmed down - talking about fun things we would do. But she would still break out into tears. I looked around and nearly EVERY TINY KINDERGARTENER was CRYING. Tears STREAMING down their faces. Bodies shaking as they stood their in line alone. With their HUGE back packs strapped to their little tiny frames ... Ohhh I wanted to help them all. I all of a sudden has this HUGE urge to GRAB them all - and say "RUN orphans ... RUN! Quick everyone HIDE in the bushes (there aren't bushes here ... who am I kidding!?)!!!!" But instead I held Ava while she cried some more. I overheard a "line leader" (adult helper in the morning) say w/ a very strong jerky face tone: "Hanna! You need to stop crying. You're fine!" I'm like WHAT? Is that how you talk to EVERY little 5 year old who is BALLING??? Nice. Nice. Idiot. As I'm comforting Ava - the HEAD HAUNCHO RAUNCHO confronted ME w/ a very strong jerky face tone .. saying: "Is that your van?" I looked up - acknowleged the crime of having a van and said yes. Her reply: "You need to move it NOW! You are BLOCKING the way - no one can get by and no BUS can get by. You need to move it NOW!" Again - I looked up to see the offense and noticed one ... ONE tiny itty bitty car behind ... or rather about 60 feet away from MY pulled up out of the way car. No bus. Busses don't go that way. And no other cars. I ignored her. Gleefully. Turned back to Ava - set her down - gave her a hug and told her we'd go to BASKIN ROBBINS to get PINK ice cream and then MAKE A CRAFT after school. She was happy. Then... ANOTHER interruption: "You need to move your car NOW!" I, again, IGNORED the beastly LARGE WOMAN WHO SHOULD HAVE STAYED HOME that day and fed her cats! Instead, turned to Ava again with love, making sure she was OK before I walked away. As I turned to go I was AGAIN scolded like a wee one for LOVING MY CHILD and making sure she felt SAFE on her FOURTH DAY OF SCHOOL! When I got in the car and pulled back around, I saw Ava (parental warning ahead - this image will alter you for life! If it doesn't - you're probably the jerky face rotten head that was RUDE to me!) ... she was sitting on the sidewalk, with her knees pulled up to her belly, arms wrapped around her legs - head burried into her body. I BALLED! I balled all the way home! I cried and cried so hard - with EVERY emotion I have been feeling for the last 5 weeks POURING out of me as I nearly vomitted into a towel! Baby Maby said to me: "sad?" I answered yes with my cracked voice. She said 'Ban ban?" (bandaid? to make it get better.) Love that little thing! :)
I was SO upset with that lady ... who CLEARLY had NO compassion for tiny little things! She would probably rip the wings off a BUTTERFLY and then eat it for dinner! Luckily Ava was fine when she got home from school - and we promptly went to baskin robbins and gorged ourselves in happiness of being together. And chocolate. I'm training her, you know!
I'm better about it now - although I do look for that meanie weanie everytime I pull up to the school. Making sure my kids stay clear of her. Just in case she fattens them up like Hanzel and Grettle and shoves them in the school oven for lunch.
It wil be GOOD to buy our home in the next few months. So I can start to create our HOME. I need to do that. That's SO much apart of me. Creating a happy spot for us. Lots of color - lots of pictures! To keep my mind going. To not cry into towels so hard that vomit thinks of coming up! :) I'm not sad though ... I'm just adjusting and getting my bearings. I'm VERY grateful I have two LOVELY LOVELY friends here within driving distance. April and Cindy. Love you girls! And I love knowing that my kids are making friends and are good with being the ARIZONA ELMORE'S! Ava did say the FUNNIEST thing last night. "Mom - I have the BEST idea about winter... we just stay INSIDE!" (she was referring to Nate and the pain he feels in the cold). I said "Ohhh - so we wouldn't have to move?" She answered a STRONG YES! I said "Honey ... we already moved." She laughed ... "ohh ya!" Funny.
Ok - on to HAPPINESS. Wesley - my 8 year old boy - will be getting baptised next Saturday!!! So we went searching for a spot to do his pictures to send out to those who can't come down (that would be everyone). The neat thing about being somewhere new is seeing things in a new way ... coming up with new ways to make brown dirt look SO. COOL! :) I find myself driving with WIDE EYES and a nearby paper as I jot down notes of areas that I look forward to taking family pictures in (not that I'll be able to FIND them again. Got lost going to April's.) FOUND the GREATEST place while we were looking at a home. I mentioned it in my SQUEAL of delight while the realtor laughed and laughed and said "ummm can you say SCORPIONS????" I was sad. I had dreams of SMOOSHING the scorpions so I could GO THERE for pictures. Finally - I went for another drive with Nate to test this spot out. We didn't see scorpions. My prayers were answered. Joy dance was given. We had to wait until nearly 7:00 so the sun was down. Even at that it was still 110. And by that time, lighting WAS NOT ideal and shutter speed was compromised for #2 pic ... but that's OK for now. No other options. Embracing.
Look how handsome my boy looks.
Ohhh makes me weep to look at. Soon enough he'll be in high school, then on a mission, then off to college, then ....
And because I CAN NOT - WILL NOT - do the usual white shirt & tie looking at you with a STUDIOUS CONTEMPLATIVE look ...
I love this spot! I guess it burned a few years ago - and has been left alone. For Kara to find. Because I don't understand the TRUE dangers of this area yet. My eyes are blinded for beauty I guess. That's what boots are for. So scorpions don't climb up your leg and BITE you. It was worth it. Like red strapped mary jane heels ... painful? YES. Worth it? OF COURSE!!!
Starting to get back into the groove ... seeing the beauty in what I would have otherwise deemed brown dirt. LOOKING for beauty does something to you - you find it in unexpected places. And it does something to you because you had to LOOK FOR IT. You appreciate it. You smile when you find it. And you want to surround yourself in it.
HAPPY THOUGHT for the day: Look at life differently - ignoring how others perceive it - so you can find happiness for yourself. And then EMBRACE how you feel!
btw - this took me FORTY FIVE minutes to write. Baby walked in ... no less than 27 times. Asking for more french toast - oscar ate hers - movie is skipping - wanting to color - eating some paper - realized it was Ava's care bear book she ripped apart - needing a diaper change - not wanting to stay dressed - stayed naked - pooed on the table - peed somewhere else - knocked over water bottle - found her sippy cup - happy now. :) She's funny. I'll try harder not to yell today.
another btw - I APOLOGIZE for the LENGTH of these entries. I hate reading long blogs. HATE it when they're this long. Ignore it.
everytime I hear about the 'lady' story it makes me mad.
Love the pics of your grown up boy.
Glad to hear that you are getting in 'the groove'.
Sending Hugs.
Posted by: christine | August 05, 2009 at 10:54 AM
That story of school reminds me of the movie "Matilda". Ever seen it? Don't watch in now if you haven't. So sad...sorry that you have to go through all this. We miss you. Keep blogging though, even if you're sad. I think it's actually theapeutic.
Posted by: Brook | August 05, 2009 at 12:21 PM
Kara, glad that you are finding some good there. What a huge change for your family! I wish I could go to the school with you and give that mean lady a huge wedgie or something..... maybe karma will find her! Give your sweet kids a big hug from me, your stories about them make me smile (except for the one about school, of course). I love the pictures of your son, what a handsome boy! Great colors!
Posted by: Heidi Julander | August 05, 2009 at 01:13 PM
What a BEAST!!! Yeah, she should not be working at an elementary school. Poor Ava. I can't imagine having to move to a new place, start school and kindergarten is ALL freakin' day.
I really admire you for picking up your family and moving. It's brave.
Just know, you are missed by those that love you just as much as you miss those you love.
AND...cry away. Sometimes it is all that helps. :)
Posted by: Sherry | August 05, 2009 at 08:30 PM
Tell that handsome young man of yours that Sis. Nielsen will be thinking of him on his day of baptism.
I like the long posts.
Miss you.
Posted by: Lilian | August 05, 2009 at 09:31 PM
Oh... man that does really suck - full day Kindergarten that is. Clytie did it last year and I switched schools half way through the year so she could do 1/2 day. You know what, next year when my Clara goes, Michigan is going to manditory full day for ALL Kindergartens or they will not have funding. What a mess. WHAT ARE THEY THINKING!!! Poor little ones is right! Ava and YOU definately deserved icecream! Keep trudging along it will get better!
Posted by: Heidi Fausett | August 05, 2009 at 10:27 PM
When I read your blog it gives me strength. You are brave and your family is brave. I just adore you! I am getting ready to start my first year of teaching in just a few weeks. I feel a little like A. I feel like I might want to sit on the sidewalk and wrap myself up and cry. Sometimes... it's what we need! I think we always experience times where we are scared to do something that is unfamiliar, even when we grow up. Thanks for sharing... and I don't mind the long post either.
Posted by: jordan | August 06, 2009 at 09:17 AM
Oh Kara, my heart breaks for you when that overwhelming feeling of homesickness hits. You said in your last post "choose to be happy", do it. The homesickness doesn't lessen it just get easier to deal with. I love that Ky is home for my kids and that I am able to help create the memories and love that make it our home. I also love that when Tanner(he's 4) was asked by some kids at church if he wanted to go to disney world for vacation he told them "no, me go to lagoon in ootah with my cousins." Be brave, it does get easier and remember there's a reason that Heavenly Father needs you in Arizona.
Posted by: cherstin jones | August 06, 2009 at 10:51 AM
My daughter is 5 and we do all day kindergarten here, too (Australia). While there doesn't seem to be a dragon-lady like the one poor Ava has as her school, there have been some pretty tough moments for her..... and she's only FIVE!!! And she handled them better than I thought she would.... and she's only FIVE!!! Anyway, one thing we did to help her out was give her a secret job... just a secret between her and me. Her job is to catch people being good, or being nice to one another. It seems to have helped quite a bit. I guess it's a bit like you looking for beauty in the brown dirt. Maybe you could find something like that for Ava?
Lots of love to you and your family. Hang in there.
Posted by: Jennifer | August 07, 2009 at 07:29 PM
Oh gosh Kara, I sooo feel for Ava and you! You poor things. Starting school is such a huuuuge step both for them and for us!! Thankfully mine go to an AMAZING school with wonderously compassionate teachers. But oh my... I so feel horrible for Ava and for you - gosh, I would have wanted to smack that woman upside the head. Did she not realise your daugher was crying? What a cow. I am like you and would have ignored her altogether. Or.. better yet, go to the principle and complain ;) Hope things look up soon... xox
Posted by: Amanda Keeys | August 08, 2009 at 08:46 PM
Bout time, ma'am. I'm a regular follower of all things "my sister" and "Kara" and "Pretty" and I have been sorely disappointed day after day. I will expect a continuation of this experiment you are conducting. You know, the science fair project of moving. How many towels must be kept on hand to catch crying vomit? How hot must it be outside in order for lipstick to run down one corner of your mouth? I will be waiting for these answers...and when you're done, please "return to me" as the song goes.
By the way, if any kindergarten children ever come up missing, check the butt-crack of cat woman. Might find one or two she accidentally sat on while they sat weeping on the sidewalk.
Posted by: Lisa | August 11, 2009 at 10:42 PM
You go loving momma! Oh this did tear at my heart strings.
Glad she was ok when she got home.
Hope you feel settled soon.
Posted by: Thea | August 12, 2009 at 10:41 AM
Hey you cute thing!
I sat and read your blog with tears in my eyes. I hate mean parking ladies...give them an orange vest and a wee bit of power...and watch out. If it is any consolation...I taught Kindergarten for 5 years (pre-babies) and once we got them through the door they were usually alright. If not we just loved them until they were. The HARDEST part is from the car door to the school door.
Be brave...by Christmas she may well be bummed that she has to stay home and that you do not do center acitivities at home. She will also inform you that you do not do things the way Mrs. (insert name) does. I always had a few that cried the first weeks....and I was always the one crying in June when I had to send them off to first grade!
Miss Ava is a doll, her teacher is sure to fall in love and cry when it is time to send her off to first grade. She just has to make it past the parking troll!
good luck!!
Posted by: Karen Freemantle | August 13, 2009 at 11:49 AM
Kara,
Holy crap! I would have cried too! But I did giggle at all of your descriptions of that mean old lady. I can totally hear your voice when you talk. That's why I love your blog.
Yeah, we need to chat cuz we are TOTALLY going through the same things! My "A" child has to go to all day Kindergarten too which I was totally not prepared for. I'm gonna call you in the next couple of days cuz we gotta catch up.
Posted by: kelli france | August 17, 2009 at 09:11 PM